I swear posts will not always be this personal

Eventually I'll have to write something in here of substance.. other than my own woah is me life. But until I have the time to sit and think about something else...here I am..struggling to get it all together...and you, my lovely readers get to suffer. Who knows..I may not be making anyone suffer. Maybe people gloss over it...or maybe when I send it out to twitter nobody really even clicks it.

In that case, I'd be almost relieved...sort of.

I'm in a half melancholy mood tonight. Not really for any particular reason.. mostly because of hormones...that have been going crazy lately.

You see, I had this problem in my late teens of menstruating too frequently. Literally one week on one week off. I've been off BC since I was 19...it's been relatively normal. This is the second month it's slipped up, and I need to get it taken care of.

No worries...I'll get it taken care of. I'm afraid it will take another pap though, and if that's the case...I have 300 dollars to my name..and 300 dollars in bills to pay this month. *sighness* That means asking the mother for money....

I guess that's where it leads me to right now. I am 24 years old, living with my best guy friend..turned surrogate older brother.. and I can't even give myself the basic essentials that I need to survive.

Ouch... talk about a kick in the pride...

The problem is I need a job. The job I have, I haven't been working much of lately, in order to find more time to study for econ. My test is a week from this Tuesday..and I'm scared Shitless. I need something to push me...something to tell me that I'm capable. Given recent events, I don't think calling up the Ex and asking him as a friend to push me, motivate me the way he used to...is going to happen. I'm pretty sure I'm the last person he wants to talk to at this point, but oh could I use someone to push me. To tell me that they truly think I am cut out for this...

Sometimes...I really doubt myself...and it's hard. It's hard to stay motivated, when all I want to do is break down.

I just need to get over this hump...and try not to get down.

I really thought I'd have more to say here... I guess it's just a quiet night.