I can't seem to get myself motivated to write my 15 page paper that's due on Thursday, nor am I motivated to study for tomorrow's Econ final. Instead, I find myself distracted, in my own thoughts. I tend to go in tangents with my thoughts and can't get going on what is important in my immediate life, until I get those thoughts out. Here it goes.
Last night, I spent the night at Drew's new apartment for the third night in a row. I wasn't planning on it, but I needed to get away, for reasons I won't explain here. This past weekend, I watched him move into this new place with his best friend, Melissa. He truly has style and grace with his surroundings. He understands color, texture, shape, dimension...all of the things that normal straight men don't understand. I'm not sure why I was all that surprised, he was a theater major in college (theater tech, but still, surrounded by those that have this innate ability to coordinate).
He knows how to set the aesthetic mood...just another reason why I melt every time I look at him, and my heart almost skips a beat when he calls.
It's three months into the relationship, and I still have the same butterflies that I had in the beginning. I wonder if that's because he's truly the right someone for me, or because it's still too new. There's really no way to tell at this point, but I'm hoping it's the former.
I can imagine him reading this post and thinking "Angela, get your stuff done, I won't see you until you do" which is part of the reason I want to get this post out of the way as soon as I can. I would like to clear my thoughts, because I know that as soon as this happens, I will write my paper, with the motivation to see him again.
He told me the other night, "I want you to get through grad school, and get out there in the world, doing what you've always wanted" I feel like he truly believes in my goals, my dreams, and my aspirations. In many ways, we are in almost identical points in our lives. He's got his future in his grasp, and I am just shy of reaching mine.
With some of the previous men I have dated, I felt like I was always settling in some way,shape, or form. I don't feel like this at all with Drew. If anything, I feel lucky that I get the complete package; something I don't feel I have really ever had.
It's amazing how life can be so screwed up sometimes. When I had a job, I felt like I was finally becoming financially stable, and I was fairly low in stress, my dating life was horrible. Now it's the opposite. I really hope that within the next few months, things start to lighten up in the parts I'm lacking. I need to get a job. At this point, I don't care what it is, as long as it will allow me to pay my bills and move out of Neale's house. I also really hope that I can fulfill my conditional acceptance and pass Microeconomics in the fall with a B or better. I really feel like I finally understand this crap, and I really need to prove it to Brady, everyone else at the UMSL MPPA program, everyone who doubted me at Mizzou, and to myself. I have many people behind me, but I need more support. I need all the support I could get.
Drew helps me motivate myself everyday. He reminds me why I'm in grad school, he motivates me to push forward, and he inspires me to complete my goals. He really is my best friend...
And now for that paper...
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