The second thing I'm Jaded about is men. Not as friends, not as acquaintances, or even as really awesome people to talk/flirt with. I'm jaded with the process of dating them. Let me reiterate... DATING SUCKS!!!
Some of you may think that this might end up being a rant about ex's...like most women do, frankly...I like the last two Ex's too much to really do that, and the ones before that can kiss my... (ok constructive, Angela...constructive)
I'm just tired of the "getting to know you" part. The "interview" crap that makes you closer to a person. It just seems that every time that happens, I spill my heart out, I let everything out there, and then within a year, it blows up in my face because of something I always miss.
Well...Good time to focus on my new job with the Federal Government and my last semester and a half of school.
The third thing I'm Jaded about.. Bad Dreams. I haven't had much sleep in the last few nights, and it's because I've had dreams both with pictures of the last two exs..and my father in my head. Why my father? Because for some reason, my subconscious recognizes this time of year as to be close to Father's Day..
This will be Father's Day number two without Dad..and frankly, it's killing me. I'm sad all the time, and all I want to do is call him and tell him about my new career opportunity I will be swearing into on Monday. I know he'd be proud of me, but I miss hearing it from him.
I can still remember his voice as vivid as if I heard it yesterday. I wish I could repeat it out loud, or record it in a way.
*sighs* There's no easy way to get this out of my head.
My biggest worry is Sunday. I'll be ok until then, but I'm sure all of my friends are either spending time with their fathers or are spending time with their kids (because they are fathers themselves). I fully intend on visiting his grave, but afterwards, I fully intend on doing something to take my mind off of it, and I really don't know if I can do that alone. I can't wait until Monday when I start my new job, but I am dreading the day before... :(
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