Confessions in tears
I thought I had everything figured out
Before I met you, I had a life, a goal
A lover, a dream...
And when we were over,
I played you off as an obvious mistake;
A fluke.
You were not a fluke.
The truth is, you mean so much.
Often, when my head hits the pillow
You're the last person I think of,
And the first person I recognize in my dreams.
I wish I could tell you how much I love you still
Don't worry, I won't.
For the result would just be... awkward.
When I do get weak, I blame it on friendship
I love you, implied as if you're supposed to be some brother.
It's in those moments, that I'm screaming inside.
I've not been the nicest person to you lately.
This whole situation between us
Feels easier when I push you away,
When I have a reason to hate you,
I want to hate you.
Often I close my eyes at night, and go back to before
I pray that I will wake up, and everything will be different.
I pray that I won't feel this pain anymore,
And that looking at you won't make me either want to hit you
or kiss you.
I don't think we're over one another,
No matter how many times we say we are.
We agree that there is no point.
But that thought is compromised when you kiss me.
Or every time I notice your jealousy, my jealousy...
After all this time, we're both still on the same page; Stuck.
Are we really stuck?
Do we have to be the people we set out to be?
I never thought I'd be the person I am today.
Never, did I expect to go through the things we've been through this year
Despite our tribulations,
We are still talking to one another; Amazing.
When others would have failed.
After all the mistakes, all the pain, and the choices
We both had to live with.
We still find positive things to see in one another
Our mistakes defined us,
And despite everything, you never judged me.
What did I give in return?
I was a bitch.
I have to confess, I was never mad at you
I love you, always have.
Despite everything, you still mean everything
And probably always will...
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