R.I.P. Michael Jackson

Most of that ceremony tore me to pieces. I don't ever usually cry over anything Al Sharpton says, however when he said "To Michael's Children: There wasn't anything strange about your daddy. What was strange was what he had to deal with" it really made me ball.

I cried because I can't imagine the pain he had suffered. A lot of people said he was messed up in the head. I believe he was a misguided soul with good intensions and a good heart. He had pain from his childhood, that haunted him his whole life. Though his career was successful and amazing, it robbed him of his childhood, and often caused him as an adult to regress back to a child-like state.

Beyond the musical talents that he posessed, he always cared about other people. You could hear it in his songs, you could see it in his charity towards others, and you could understand it through his person, even if you didn't know him up close.

The memorial today was very tasteful as well as beautiful. I broke down when Paris Jackson, his only daughter spoke but a few words, breaking down and crying, because I know she loved her father, much like I loved mine. Those of you that have never had a parent die on you, it feels like a hole has been ripped out of you. A chunk of you is missing, and will never be recovered, until the day when you will meet again. It feels like a piece of you had died as well. I understand her pain, and I really wish she had not had to go through that pain so early in life.

Rest in Peace, Michael Joseph Jackson, King of Pop, Greatest Entertainer of all time!

Is it really change, or is it just realization of who we were the whole time?

I have been looking at econ notes for several hours. My anxiety of last year feels like it is coming back, but I am looking at it this time in a completely different perspective. I have changed completely over the past year. From a girl who was naive, depressed, tired, to one that feels intelligent, loved, and one who has the inspiration and perseverance to make it through anything.

After Dad died, I lapsed for a couple months. I fell completely in love with a man that seemed right for me in almost every way. The almost part came from my place in life at the time. I really hope he's happy with his new girlfriend. She seems really great for him...much like Drew is for me. Even though we didn't work out, he definitely taught me what a real, adult relationship is really like. I felt like in the 5 or so months we were on, and off, and on again...I really learned how to be the best girlfriend I could. The problem was all timing. I had too much on my plate....most of which had to do with my emotions over my recently deceased father. He helped me grieve through that, and among everything else, he taught me what a dedicated, hopeful, intelligent, traditional man would be like. Much of the features he had, I went out looking for, and eventually found in Drew. I have this man I briefly dated for that.

Drew, really is the complete package for me. I wake up everyday feeling lucky that I even found someone who really understands me the way he does. I was talking to Neale the other day about the "honeymoon" stage of a relationship. How long it lasts, what are the effects, and what it really consists of. I think we determined that the length of time of "honeymoon" stage depends on the two people involved combined with their experiences, and the stage itself consists of spontaneity combined with a certain sense of newness and a healthy dose of idealism.

As our schedules have become more synchronized, I have noticed the closeness is unlike anything I've previously experienced. Normally, in relationships, I have found myself quickly jumping into something serious with the man I was with at the time, only to lose sight of the obvious trivial differences that a few months down the road would cause pot holes and an awfully bumpy ride down to an eventual ending of the relationship.

I found myself walking into my current relationship with a very different perspective. My head seemed to be perfectly level on my shoulders, and my feet were planted securely on the ground. In fact, I didn't think much about the first date, prior to it's conception. After meeting him, I was completely amazed as to the kind of man he seemed to be. Eight hours we spent on that first date, getting to know one another, and another six hours on the second date, nearly 24 hours later. Within that one weekend, I had been made aware of a man that never in a thousand years believed would have existed. Of course, I wasn't 100 percent sure that what I had anticipated about Drew was indeed the case.

After being with him for a few months, making time out at least three times or more a week, talking almost every night, and really getting to know his inner self, a curiosity, turned instant attraction has evolved into a love beyond anything I could have previously imagined.

I am not going to say that we are exactly alike. Someone exactly like me, I've learned is both impractical, and unlikely to be a formula for success. Instead, I've learned that what makes for a great match between lovers, is enough differences to make for great conversation and appeal, mutual respect of those differences, and a commonality in morals, desires in one another, some interests that both people can relate to, and amazing dedication & honesty. This doesn't begin to touch the surface as to why I think this relationship is different than anything else I've experienced prior, and why I feel that this man is really someone I can see a future with.

I want so badly to get fully accepted (beyond this conditional acceptance), finish my graduate degree, and break into city management. Every time I see Drew with his business partners, Gabe & Dan, testing equipment in the warehouse, talking about upcoming gigs, and their goals for the next few months, I become extremely inspired. He's doing exactly what he wanted to do with his life. His dream job is sustaining itself, and it's one client away from sustaining him and his partners as well. He's got his dream in the palm of his hand, and he's just working out the minor details. He inspires me to really work for what I want in life for myself, and for us together.

He will be going to Cincinnati, OH this week starting on Thursday, and won't be back until Monday. Conveniently, I will be studying for my very stressful microeconomics midterm for Monday night's class. I think it's quite hilarious how he seems to go out of town at the perfect times. It's like we plan it that way, but there's no way we really could, honestly.

Beyond everything else, Drew really pushes me to be the best Angela I could possibly be. He makes me feel beautiful, every time I see him. The best part about all of this, is that he's so incredibly modest. He doesn't realize how great he is, so he has no reason to be cocky about it.

....totally thought this post was going to be about school. guess I went off topic.