I should be reading one of four books that I need to finish in the next few days, but my thoughts, once again have gotten away from me. Call me a romantic, but I can't help but be completely blindsighted from all things important in my life, by this lack of relationship problem that I have had. What seems different this time, is that I find myself at a complete standstill. I am lonely and sad at the end of the day, yet somewhat comfortable in my own selfish lifestyle. The reason I feel this way, is because anytime I find a guy that feels anything more than indifference towards meeting me, I become instantly uninterested. I am not sure why that is...but it's definitely not to the fault of the guy. They are quality guys that I generally would otherwise find attractive. I'm kind of a mess in this department.
The best way to describe it is broken. My whole life, I've been the dreamer of romance, and lately it just feels different. When I see someone attracted to me, I grow tired really quickly, because the first thing I think is how much work I'd put into it, only for it to be thrown in my face months later. The moment I feel this way, it makes me sad, and I end up going home just as confused as I'm sure the person on the other end probably feels.
IT just doesn't make sense, but this is who I am. I'm tired..
I don't know if it's a certain person that will snap me out of it, or if I just have to move forward with my life. All I know, is that I don't want to do it anymore. And no...I don't know why.
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